title2.gif (8505 bytes)

Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Oz)
For all the Buffy transcripts go here...

Season 2

"I'm not really a computer person. Or a work of any kind person. I sort of test well, which is cool, except then it leads to jobs."
 
Oz: "Hey did everybody just see that guy turn into dust?"
Willow: "Uh, sort of."
Xander: "Yep. Vampires are real; lot of them live in Sunnydale. Willow'll fill you in."
Willow: "I know it's hard to accept at first..."
Oz: "No,actually it explains a lot."
 
"I'm shot. Wow. It's... odd. And painful."
 
"I was on the phone all night listening to Willow cry about you [Xander]. I don't know exactly what happened but I was left with the very strong urge to hit you."
 
Willow: "Do you guys have a gig tonight?"
Oz: "Practice. The band's kind of moving toward this new sound where we suck. So, practice."
Willow: "I think you guys sound good."
Oz: "Thanks."
Willow: "I bet you have a lot of groupies."
Oz: "It happens. But I'm living groupie-free nowadays. I'm clean."
Willow: "Oh."
Oz: "I'm going to ask you to go out with me tomorrow night, and I'm kind of nervous about it actually. It's interesting."
Willow: "Well if it helps at all, I'm going to say yes."
Oz: "Yeah, it helps. It creates a comfort zone. Do you want to go out with me tomorrow night?"
Willow: (remembers it's Buffy's party.) "Oh, I can't !"
Oz: "Oh, see, I like that you're unpredictable."
 
Devon: "What does a girl have to do to impress you?"
Oz: "It involves a feather boa and the theme from A Summer Place. I can't really discuss it here."
Devon: "You're too picky man. You know how many girls you could have? You're lead guitar, Oz, that's currency!"
Oz: "I'm not picky. You're just interested in any girl who can walk and talk."
 
Willow: "I'm gonna get you through this semester if I have to sweat blood."
Xander: "Do you think you're likely to? 'Cause I'd like to be elsewhere."
Willow: "It was only metaphorical blood."
Oz: "I think you'd sweat cute blood."
 
"Who is that girl ?!" - Hint: You have to have seen Buffy to understand just how adorable Oz looks and sounds saying this.
 
"Is Jody a werewolf? Uh-huh...and how long has this been going on? Uh-huh...no reason. Thanks. Love to Uncle Ken."
 
Oz: "Oh, hey, animal cracker?"
Willow: "No thank you. How's your arm?"
Oz: "Suddenly painless."
Willow: "You can still play guitar okay?"
Oz: "Not well, but not worse."
Willow: "You know, I never really thanked you."
Oz: "Please don't. I don't do thanks. I get all red and I have to bail. It's not pretty."
Willow: "Well then forget that thing. Especially the part where I kind of owe you my life."
(Oz pulls a cracker from the box hoping to change the subject.)
Oz: "Look. Monkey. And he has a little hat. And little pants."
Willow: "Yeah. I see."
Oz: "The monkey is the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that....You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen. So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going,'hey man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity.' and, you know, the monkey's just, 'I mock you with my monkey pants,' then there's a big coup at the zoo..."
Willow: "The monkey's French?"
Oz: "All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?"
 
Oz: "Sometimes when I'm sitting in class, I'm not thinking about class,'cause, you know, that could never happen. I think  about kissing you and then it's like everything stops. It's like, freeze frame. Willow kissage.... but I'm not going to kiss you."
Willow: "What? But... freeze frame..."
Oz: "Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that like you want to make your friend Xander jealous. Or even the score or something. That's on the empty  side. See in my fantasy, when I'm kissing you, you're kissing me. It's okay, I can wait."
 
Willow: "Hi."
Oz:  "Well, that's what I was gonna say."

"But we know the world didn't end, 'cause... check it out."
 
Willow: "I'd still if you'd still."
Oz: "Oh I'd still, I'd very still."
 
"This cheerleading trophy... it's like it's eyes follow you wherever you go. I like it."
 
Willow: "So did you like the movie last night?"
Oz: "I don't know. Today's movies are kinda like popcorn...ya know, you forget about them as soon as they're done? I do remember I liked the popcorn though."
Willow: "Yeah it was good. And I had a really fun time with the rest. I mean the part with you."
Oz: "Oh that's great. My time was also of the good."
Willow: "Oh! There...I have my friend...so I will go to her."
Oz: "I'll see ya then. Later."
 
"Oh don't worry. I mean they may not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves."
 
"Okay, I pretty much missed out on some stuff, didn't I? Because this is all making a kind of sense that's... not."
 
Buffy "I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here."
Oz: "But you're not a rat...So call it an up-side."
 
"That's great Larry, you've really mastered the single entendre."

Willow: "My head. Is it big?"
Oz: "Its head sized."


Season 3


"Oh, I like ya giddy. Always have."
 
Oz: "Oh, can't take the pressure. It's not the music that's hard, it's the marching."
Buffy: "We have a marching band?"
Oz: "Yeah, but ya know, since the best jazz is improvisational we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats. Scary."
 
"Ok, you know that thing where you bail in the middle of an upsetting conversation? I have to do that. It's kind of dramatic, I know, but sometimes it's a necessary guy thing."
 
Oz: "Looks dead and smells dead. Yet it's moving around. That's interesting." 
Cordelia: "Nice pet Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf? USA Today? or anything?"
Giles: "I'm trying to find out why and how it rose from the grave. It's not is if I'm going to take it home and offer it a saucer of milk."
Oz: "Well I like it. I think you should call it Patches."

Oz: "Well, it's sort of a funny story. you remember when I didn't graduate?"
Willow: "Well, I know you had a lot of incompletes, but that's what summer school was for."
Oz: "Yeah well, you remember when I didn't go?"
 
"We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny?"
 
"Well, a gathering is...brie, mellow song stylings. Shindig...dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage. And a hootenanny...well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny."
 
"Now, you both kill vamps, and who can blame you, but I'm wondering about your position on werewolves."
 
"So, Cordelia wished for something? Well, if it was a long healthy life, she should get her money back."


"Just so we're clear, you guys know you're nuts, right?"
 
"Well, other bands know more than three chords. Your professional bands can play up to six, sometimes seven completely different chords."
 
"Well, you're having a slayer watch me? Well, good we're not over-reacting."
 
Oz:"Well I can see why you'd be upset....That was my sarcastic voice."
Xander: "You know, it sounds a lot like your normal voice"
Oz: "Yeah, I've been told that"
 
"Uh, if I may suggest, 'This time it's personal.' There's a reason why it's a classic."

Oz: Ok, the thing is, seeing you with Xander, it was...well, I've never felt that waybefore. I mean, that wasn't even a full moon, but...I know you guys have a history.
Willow: But it's a history thats in the past...well I guess most history is in the past, but it's over.
Oz: Well how do I know? I don't know that it ever will be.
Willow: Oz please believe me.
Oz: This is what I do know...I miss you, like every second, almost like I lost an arm, or worse my whole torso, so...I think I'd be willing to give it another shot.
Willow: Really?
Oz: Yeah.
Willow: Do you want us to hug now?
Oz: Yeah, I'd go for that.

[Oz hands Willow a parcel]
Willow: What's the occasion?
Oz: Pretty much you are
[opens present looking v.excited]
Willow: It's a little pez witch!!
Oz: It's kind of a themed present, you like it?
Willow: I like! I more than like! This is probably the swee...we have to find a little pez werewolf so little pez witch can have a boyfriend.
Oz: I don't think they make a pez werewolf,you might have to settle for a wacky cartoon guy.
Willow: This is so thoughtful
Oz: Well, I think about you.
Willow: I don't have anything to give you.
Oz: [looks at her and smiles] Yeah you do [exits]

[Cordelia and Oz are in the van trying to rescue Willow and Xander. Oz stops and sniffs the air]
Cordelia: Hello?!
Oz: It's Willow, she's nearby.
Cordelia: What?!! You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume!!
Oz: She's afraid
Cordelia: Oh my god! Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing.
Oz: I really agree.

Giles: Maybe there's something they had in common.
Faith: Missing internal organs?
Giles: Besides that
Oz: Debbie!...Well, victim number one, Jeff, he was in Jazz band with us,
they used to horse around.
Faith: They were screwing?
Oz: I don't think so...but he hid her music comp book once.

Willow: Oz is the highest scoring person ever to fail to graduate
Buffy: Isn't she cute when she's proud
Oz: She's always cute.

Willow: (to Oz) "I'm going to be busy alot, but only till 3:00 and thats when you get up!"

Willow: But you never said anything! How am I supposed to react to this rather alarming news?
Oz: Well actually I was pretty much banking on you finding it cute.
Willow: Well traditionally, repeating a grade isn't exactly a turn on, and you're practically a genius, you're Mr Test Scores, its all a little weird.
Oz: So the cute thing is out?
Willow: I'm trying to get to cute, really, but I'm still on sort of strange.
Oz: Well I'd be willing to bargin down to ecenntric with an option on cool.

Xander: The slaying isn't getting any easier
Oz: Well, I dunno. I think we're getting kinda a rhythm going.
Xander: We're losing half the vamps.
Oz: Yeah, but...rhythmically.

Willow: C'mon Buffy, the guy's charming and normal, which is what you wanted to get back to.
Oz: And plus points for using the word mosey.

Willow: Oz is a werewolf.
Buffy: It's a long story.
Oz: I got bit.
Buffy: Apparently not that long.

Scott: I'm in if you are, if you want to
Buffy: Well sure, I am if you want to
Scott: I'm in if you want to
Oz: The judges will accept that as a yes

Xander: You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be lookin' for is something like [ahem] Slayer Kryptonite.
Oz: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.
Xander: You're assuming I meant green Kryptonite. I was referring to of course the red Kryptonite which drains Superman's powers.
Oz: Wrong, the gold Kryptonite's the power sucker. The red Kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of a weird...
Buffy: Guys? Reality.

"Ice is cool! It's water...but it's not."

Season 4


Willow: "How can you be so calm?"
Oz: "Long arduous hours of practice."
 
Xander: "Do we hug?"
Oz: "I think we're too manly"
 
"On the plus side, you killed the bench which was... looking shifty."
 
Xander: "I don't know. I was going for ferocious-scary but it's coming out more dryly sardonic."
Willow: "It does appear to be mocking you with it's eyeholes."
Oz: "Yeah and it's nose-hole seems sad and full of self-loathing."
 
"Maybe it's because of all the horrific things we've seen, but, hippos wearing tutus just don't unnerve me the way they used to."
 
Oz: "Ooh. Didn't encourage her, did you?"
Willow: "Where's Supportive-Boyfriend-Guy?"
Oz: "Oh, he's picking up your dry cleaning. But he told me to tell you he's afraid you're gonna get hurt."
 
Willow: "It's like a big comfy blanky."
Oz: "I was under the impression that I was your big comfy blanky."
Willow: "Aw, you're my person blanky. This is my place blanky."
 
"The only thing I mind is being away from you for three nights."
 
Xander: "Prank? Oh, the room. Well some friends of Buffy's played a funny joke, and they took her stuff. And now she wants us to help get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans."
Willow: "Oh! Those friends!"
Oz: "Funny guys."
 
Buffy: "So then after the scorpion, the demon opened my mouth and sucked some kind of weird light out of me. A-and the worst part? I wake up and there's Kathy, staring at me like I'm some kind of freak."
Oz: "Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon pouring the blood down your throat."
Willow: "Me too, I would vote for that too."
 
Willow: "And Buffy's completely being not herself. If it wasn't for this English paper I'd be there right now. Um, listening. Doing the girly best friend thing."
Oz: "Well, I can do that."
Willow: "You can?"
Oz: "Well, I'm not saying we'll braid each others hair--probably--but I can hang with her, watch for signs she's going over the edge."
 
Buffy: "...so then Kathy's like, 'It's share time.' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this!'"
Oz: "So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her."
Buffy: "Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?"
Oz: "Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy."
Buffy: "Hmm, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box and blown away by an imaginary wind and... and..."
Oz: "Forced to wear a binding unitard?"
Buffy: "Yeah, the itchy kind, it's perfect."
 
Devon: "That was like the best set ever. We'll do great in LA. We're gonna have them glued to their seats."
Willow: "Uh, Devon. Aren't they supposed to dance?"
Oz: "Well, we can glue them to the dance floor."
Devon: "I didn't mean with real glue. You got that right?"
 
Buffy: Neck. Paler. The puppy. The angry puppy."
Oz: Yeah, we came to warn you about the - angry puppy."
 
Oz: "Okay, either I'm borrowing all your albums or I'm moving in."
Giles: "Oz there are more important things than records right now."
Oz: "More important than this one?"
Giles: "Well I suppose an argument could be made for -"
Xander: "Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV. He's shallow like us."
Oz: "I got to admit, I'm a little disappointed."
Giles: "I, ah, uh, uh."
Willow: "Well maybe it doesn't work. Like a piece of art."
 
Buffy: "Yes, but it's your cutting edge 8-tracks that keep you ahead of the scene."
Oz: "Don't scoff, gang. I've seen Giles' collection. He was an animal in his day."
 
Oz: "Veruca was right about something. The wolf is inside me all the time, and I don't know where that line is anymore between me and it. And until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you... Or anybody."
Willow: "Well, that could be a problem 'cause people... Kind of a planetary epidemic."
Oz: "I'll find someplace."
Willow: "Well, how long?"
Oz: "I don't know."
Willow: "Oz... Don't you love me?"
Oz: "My whole life... I've never loved anything else."